This piece is part of the gloss / glossolalia collection curated by Kindred Haller.
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My first introduction to GTA was when I was six years old,
during a visit to my older neighbour’s home.
He was my crush at the time.
When we hung out, he would play video games
while I quietly sat next to him and watched.
He especially enjoyed hurting female characters.
I remember pixelated blood all over the screen.
I didn’t understand why he was hurting them
if they weren’t a threat to him.
When I asked him, he called them “whores”
and said they deserved it.
Years later, when we ran into each other at school,
he was too shy to even say hi in front of his friends.
I rarely appreciate an expensive car,
but as I was riding a crowded bus,
I saw a glimpse of some beautiful beige leather seats through the window
and was longing to press my buttocks against those perfectly shaped cushions.
I feel like I’m missing a limb,
knowing I will never be able to drive.
I’m sure that I’m not capable of it mentally.
I bet driving is amazing when you’re angry or melancholic.
You know, like they always say in movies
“I’m going for a drive” after a big fight.
I want to drive at 2am,
when it’s a bit chilly outside
but all of my windows are still down,
so I get goosebumps.
There’s no one around.
My favourite song is playing on the radio.
It’s like a wet dream,
though cars usually don’t play a factor in turning me on.
People say that men treat their car like they treat women.
If we get down and dirty,
would you treat me like your car?
Inspect the tires for pressure and wear?
Get them rotated if they need it?
Lubricate the locks?
Would you press your foot on the gas pedal so hard
until you hear a low pitched humming?
When I was around 12,
it was a trend among boys in my class
to post pictures of them posing at a car fair.
I remember it so vividly,
their adolescent hands around a busty blonde hostess and a shiny BMW.
Like a trophy,
a woman and a car as an epitome of success.
I felt like I could not be that desirable in a million years.
Neither as a girl nor as a car.
I thought about applying for an assistant position,
it’s not exactly a dream come true,
but I would do it so well.
I know how to play that part.
I’m a natural.
I’m going to do whatever you want.
Do you know where you are going?
I can integrate with your car and start living in your GPS.
Would you prefer an intimidating husky voice
or an innocent squeaky one for your directions?
I had a nightmare once.
I was going downhill in a huge black SUV.
I was desperately trying to contain the machine
as if it were a wild beast.
I knew I didn’t have a chance,
but I was still trying.
That’s the worst feeling ever.
I woke up when the SUV slid into someone’s pool.
It looked glorious.
I googled the interpretation of my dream
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This is so fucking good I feel hypnotized